drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
