if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
