Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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