Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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