We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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