I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
