Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
