yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
