It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
