i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
