I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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