Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
