you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
