Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize