Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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