I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
