i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
