and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
