You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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