Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
