Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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