yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
