its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
