i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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