so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
