dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
