I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
