I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
