hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize