Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
