Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
