All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
