4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
