So drunk its hurt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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