I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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