Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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