I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
