also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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