My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
