how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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