I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We don't watch enough power rangers
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
