wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
did you just send me my own nude
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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