I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
