you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize