also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
