what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
