It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So many bounce houses so little time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
