I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
