it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
