I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
