aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
