A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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