Ambien. No doubt about it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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