You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
