she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my shit smells like andre
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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