don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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