I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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