Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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