my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize