There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
