is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can vaginas get frostbite?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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