Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
