I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
