I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
