Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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